Balasungkawa -Hjh Esah Binti Mohd Nor

From left 2 right : Ngah, Tok, Mama, makcik and Lang..

Nearly a week i couldnt write anything.... i do nothing... My dearest grandmother passed away at 12.15pm on 8th march 2008. Speechless actually. Although we already expected it but still, it is very hard to accept. Syida panggil dia 'Tok'. Tok sebenarnya sakit barah pankreas last stage.she was diagnosed last december after raya haji when she was admitted to the hospital. Dr gave her 6-12 months but she only survived 3 months... betulla cancer tu silent killer...

Tok.. - the youngest child.. married 2 my wan at the age of 14. being a young mother and young grandmother [ she became a grandmother at the age of 40!] she was very understanding dan tersangat la 'cool'. Very impossible for not to love her... we share same interest.. Yes.. she loves handbags, shoes dan suka beli baju..[ i mean kain buat baju kurung, baju kedah... dan tudung :P] She definitely have taste... [semua kawan2 die selalu puji baju2 die and her down to earth answer..ala..baju org bagi..anak cucu bagi....] i remembered when my parents transferred to Kelantan and i was in Kedah tinggal kat asrama..i got 9 baju kurung...hehhehe..half of it were given by her...Dia yg dok suruh arwah wan visited me every weekend and antar kuih atau lauk time bulan posa.. sampai wan dah boring...:D Dia dengan cu dan wan jugak yg jaga kitorg adik beradik bila mama dan abah pi oversea...

Bila abah kene transfer pi Terengganu i stayed with her.. teman die yg dlm edah 4 bulan sbb wan meninggal [arwah wan meninggal 2 days before my spm last paper in 1995] saya blajar masak dan ikut die terawih tiap2 malam... Dok dengan tok dan cu... bila black out kitorang akan tido ramai2 sambil tok bercerita zaman die muda2...time die kawin, time die lari kene kejar anjing mase on the way nak pi kelas.. time die pi mekah dgn wan....

Bila masuk matric.. dah jarang balik kg... tapi setiap kali bagitau nak balik..mesti die tunggu tak kira pukul berap.. dan akan sambut kami kat pintu....dan setiap kali nak balik..mesti die tanya bila nak balik lagi..dan aku akan tersengih sambil jawab tak tau lagi.....

Bila kitorg pindah sabah.. die pi jalan2. Masa pi Sepilok ramai org impressed sebab selamba je die tour Sepilok dgn sandal tumit 2 inci[yes.. she can only walk in 2 inches sandals:D] while all of us were in sport shoes ataupun loafers .. x complaint dan xnampak penat pun... lagi bersemangat adala...

Last year, she joined her friends pi buat umrah.. siap pi Mesir... transit di Bangkok.. steady je tok... Balik je..a few weeks.. we received bad news.. musibah kpd keluarga bila my sis was diagnosed lymphoma.. then affiq warded pasal jantung berlubang... everybody tot that she was shocked and drastically loss weight..sampai la raya haji lepas....

the pic above taken during family bbq raya posa 2007. Initially she refused taking pictures.. sbb die cakap die dah kurus sgt.. x cantik.. but we insisted.. time raya haji die bgtau..baju die bnyk x bleh pakai sbb besar... being ignorant dan takde perasaan i just replied.. takpe..tok makan la..nanti bleh pakai balik baju tu...

kenapa la aku ni bengap sangat dan tak paham2............. suddenly all the memories are coming bak to me now.. and there so many things yg die suruh yg aku x buat....

sometimes..when u know that person is always there..u tend to take it for granted... u doesnt know how much u r going 2 miss her and how closed that person 2 ur heart until she's gone... i still remember the last time she hugged me a day before she died and i regret....that i didnt say 'i love u too tok' for the first and last time...

i'm sorry..i cant continue...........................

buat tok... al fatihah...